Gurls I Admire

I've been longing for some feminine action lately, to the point where I'm contemplating wearing panties at the office under my man-clothes. I ran a quick errand today with my off-white satin panties, and it just feels so much more comfortable! I put on the matching bra when I came home, and felt what I can only describe as relief at feeling the soft fabric against my chest.

Kyoko Matsushita

Of course, I've been looking at my favorites as usual. Some gurls out there deserve recognition for what they've accomplished. They are an inspiration to me, and I envy them deeply.

First and foremost, there's Kyoko Matsushita. She mostly wears swimsuits and pantyhose, and she is absolutely gorgeous. She manages to look like a real woman every time. Her body is slim and curvaceous, and her pictures tickle my swimsuit fetish. She also wears all kinds of form-fitting dresses and lingerie.

Amazingly, she does this in secret. She lives as a man the vast majority of the time.

This makes me fantasize about how practice makes perfect: she's worn girl stuff so many times, and so many different outfits (surely hundreds!) that she practically looks like a woman now. I love the idea that wearing women's clothes will gradually turn a man into a woman. He may think it's harmless at first, that it's OK to get a thrill from it now and then, but that every time he does it, it makes him that much more feminine, until he starts looking like Kyoko Matsushita, and can no longer hide how feminine he's become.

Story in the Works

I have a new story in the works. It's been a very long time coming. It's been fun and exciting coming up with the outline, to the point where it's all I can think about, even when I'm making love to my wife. It creeps into my mind when we fool around, and I fantasize about the juicy bits so much that it keeps me hard and ready to go at any time.

The story is about two life-long rivals, constantly competing with each other over money, power, sports, women, and anything else you can think of. One finally gets the upper hand, and utterly destroys the other, taking possession of everything he has, including his woman. Thus defeated, the loser is forced to become his rival and ex-wife's sissy maid slave.

There's nothing particularly revolutionary going on there, but it's awfully fun to write! I'll post some juicy bits as a teaser when I'm further along. It's going to take some time, though, since I can't safely work on it very often, so please, be patient.

Counter-productive Abyss

Given my situation, I have limited windows of opportunity to explore my feminine side. This includes browsing the web for things that interest me, reading other blogs, and so on. It's been a few months now since I posted anything. Partly, this is due to being busy with my obligations as a husband and father. But there's another problem preventing me from producing the work I'd like.

Whenever I do have an opportunity to fulfill my fantasies, I spend much of my time feeding it by looking at pictures of transsexuals, reading other fantasies, and browsing for lingerie and swimsuits. By the end of my window, I have to wank because that's the whole point, and before I know it, my wife is home, and I have to stop immediately and return to normal. I'll have written not a word, and the urges remain, but my time was not spent productively.

Therefore, I have dozens of fantasies and a huge over-complicated story with a large ensemble of characters dancing in my head, just waiting to be committed to writing, and I never get quite enough time to get cracking.

I've thought about stealing time at work to do it surreptitiously, and have done so before, but I'm too busy at work to get into such things there. I have very little time to write at home now that I have a child. So when can I do it?

Commentary: A Fascinating Omission

There is a fascinating omission in my diary at this point. I had just bought lingerie, after years of longing, and shaven my legs for the first time in order to enjoy it that much more, and to feel that much more feminine. Note that I mentioned an upcoming ski trip.

It turned out that my leg hair hadn't grown back in time for the trip. I spent a week in a condo with a group of friends, hiding my legs. One of these friends, a girl, slept platonically in the same bed with me the whole week. This same girl, partly based on the time we spent together that week, would become my lover some weeks later.  She is henceforth referred to as A__.

It amazes me that I wouldn't mention this shameful experience at all in my diary. Or perhaps it partly accounts for the months-long gap in entries.  This was, after all, a celebration of my fetish, and such moments of shame and self-loathing had no place in it.  If anything, I kept the diary as a way to titillate myself into femininity.

Anyhow, it's an important incident, and worth mentioning.