Friday, February 16, 2001

Diary: Sissy Scoring System, Tweaked

After playing around with the scheme above, I have come up with a preliminary score template, which I have stored in the same folder.  I have come to the conclusion that I must consider swimsuit bikinis as brassieres and panties.  There really is very little difference.  I have historically ranked underwear ahead of swimwear, but I now realize that that is simply absurd.  Why should my wonderful pink string bikini rank less than mom's gitch?  Just because it's not technically underwear?  That's just not right.  The fact is, it's shaped just like a bra and panties, and it serves a similar purpose.  Why not just score the top and bottom each as underwear items, adding or subtracting points based on the material, the coverage, etc. just as I would for any other type of underwear?  It makes much more sense this way.

Actually, I got an epiphany today, which changes the way I've thought of my feminine escapades for the last 20 years.  Throughout these pages, and intractably imprinted on my mind, has been the idea of a hierarchy of women's clothes.  It starts with pantyhose, on through swimwear, and ends at lingerie.  One was forbidden, in my fantasies, from ever skipping ahead to a garment he isn't ready for.  There was always a problem, because part of the fantasy involved doing just that - and hoping for the most effeminate consequences possible.  How can you really deny me wearing white cotton panties even though I've worn string bikinis more times than I can count?  It would surely be a letdown to graduate to the next level.

I realized today that the hierarchy came into my mind only as a way of protecting myself, back in the days when I tried to deny my passions.  I worried then that if I went right ahead and wore a swimsuit before I was ready for its incredible femininity, I would lose control.  This, of course, worked as both deterrent and incentive, depending on my state of mind.  I could succumb to a swimsuit, and thank my stars that I hadn't dared to get into some lingerie, which would surely have destroyed my manhood; or perhaps while succumbing to that same swimsuit, and pray fervently for some lingerie, so that I could become that much more feminine.

It still stands as a very powerful fantasy.  It has always been at odds with starting right at the top with lingerie, as other powerful fantasies call for.

Monday, February 05, 2001

Diary: Sissy Scoring System

I want to get scientific here for a moment.  I've discussed the possible scenarios when a man is presented with women's underwear, but I've never done it right.  I will rectify this shortly.  First, I want to enumerate the possible outcomes when a man becomes aroused by his own femininity.

First, he might ignore it, either by thinking of something else and masturbating to that, or by not masturbating at all.

Second, he might simply fail to fulfill it because of extenuating circumstances.  For example, he has no opportunity to masturbate before his passion abates.

Third, he succumbs to it in spirit, and masturbates naked or even in his own masculine clothes, reveling in pictures of his own womanhood.

Fourth, he fulfills his fantasy when he ejaculates clad in something girlish.

The first is a crime.  Inadmissible under any circumstance.  The second is unfortunate, but he gets points for having wanted to be a girl.  The third is charming, better than the second, but not quite good enough.  The fourth is the truest man of all.

Wait, there's something missing here: there are really more variables.  What happens to the poor sap who manages to slip into a bikini, but who doesn't get the chance to blow his load?  What if he does a whole fashion show with his girlfriend's wardrobe, fully intending to come in everything, but can only handle one or two outfits?  And none of this takes into account doing anything in public.

So we have 1 constant: the passion to make himself feminine, or desire; and 3 variables: physically ejaculating, or success; physically wearing women's garments (we won't get into point values for specific types here), or dressing; and publicly displaying his penchant for girlishness, or exhibition.  Thus the first scenario touches on only the constant; the second scores the same for lack of any action; the third scores points for success, and nothing more; the fourth achieves both success and dressing, and therefore wins.  However, the man who publicly dresses as a woman for the thrill of appeasing his femininity, must score equally well if he does not eventually find success in his effeminate state.  Also, points would certainly vary for the garments worn in each circumstance. 

Beautiful, no?

So now we can tally up a score for each incident of effemination.  The total score is what really counts, but the statistics are kept for the purpose of showing a balance of tendencies.  As in baseball, where a pitcher can win many games and strike out many batters, but also allow many runs; while another can lose constantly striking out as many batters, and allowing fewer runs.  The pitchers' totals may be the same, but they have slightly different profiles.  Likewise, someone who privately wears lingerie and comes every time might tally up the same number of points as someone who walks around in dresses in public, but never dares to masturbate en femme.

The tricky part of all this is assigning an arbitrary point value to specific types of garments.  There are endless varieties of women's clothes, and they all count for something.  But even different types of panties must necessarily score radically differently.  Surely a g-string is worth more than mother's total-coverage briefs!  The value should be awarded based on a comparison to exact artifacts of clothing, which have constant values associated with them.  The fit must also factor in (take tight over loose any time, but too small is no good either - ideally it should fit perfectly, as if you really could take on the shape of a woman).  For a start, we'll take a pair of plain white cotton bikini briefs always to be worth 100 points.  Add 10 points for lace trim.  Add 25 points for exotic colours.  Lose 15 points for silly, childish prints of teddy bears.  A matching brassiere is worth 100 bonus points.  So I award Bobbi over there the full 200 points for the matching cotton bra and panties, and give him another 15 for the lace in the bra.  Unfortunately, he loses 25 because they're not really bikini briefs, but regular briefs, and are slightly larger.  Candi, on the other hand, scores a massive 150 for his black satin bikini, and another 125 for a white satin brassiere; but he loses 50 points for the contrast.

Clearly, I need to establish the benchmarks in general categories.  I would need a minimum and maximum amount of points for a type, identify examples of the two extremes and the median, and specify point values for frills or problems.  This will take an awful lot of work.  Hopefully, I can backtrack and rank my own outfits and experiences.

It also occurs to me that success should have a bonus if it involves another person or persons.  Perhaps a points system similar to that for dressing is in order.  The starting number of points would be for simply coming.  More points for having someone masturbate you; more yet for sucking cock; still more for swallowing; etc.  Also, the length of time of dressing and the extent of exhibition should factor in: number of people who know, multiplying each article of clothing they know about, multiplied by points for time (1 for 0-15 mins, 2 for 15-60, 3 for 1-4 hours, etc.). 

Now we may return to our original problem: the scenarios when a man is confronted with women's underwear.

This time we can use our points system to accurately gauge the man's state of mind; only here desire is a variable, not a constant.  Thus a man who has never even noticed his feminine side would start at 0, while a man who had pondered it twice would have 2 points.  I would have thousands upon thousands.
Problem solved.  Now to the new problem: scoring.