Friday, February 16, 2001

Diary: Sissy Scoring System, Tweaked

After playing around with the scheme above, I have come up with a preliminary score template, which I have stored in the same folder.  I have come to the conclusion that I must consider swimsuit bikinis as brassieres and panties.  There really is very little difference.  I have historically ranked underwear ahead of swimwear, but I now realize that that is simply absurd.  Why should my wonderful pink string bikini rank less than mom's gitch?  Just because it's not technically underwear?  That's just not right.  The fact is, it's shaped just like a bra and panties, and it serves a similar purpose.  Why not just score the top and bottom each as underwear items, adding or subtracting points based on the material, the coverage, etc. just as I would for any other type of underwear?  It makes much more sense this way.

Actually, I got an epiphany today, which changes the way I've thought of my feminine escapades for the last 20 years.  Throughout these pages, and intractably imprinted on my mind, has been the idea of a hierarchy of women's clothes.  It starts with pantyhose, on through swimwear, and ends at lingerie.  One was forbidden, in my fantasies, from ever skipping ahead to a garment he isn't ready for.  There was always a problem, because part of the fantasy involved doing just that - and hoping for the most effeminate consequences possible.  How can you really deny me wearing white cotton panties even though I've worn string bikinis more times than I can count?  It would surely be a letdown to graduate to the next level.

I realized today that the hierarchy came into my mind only as a way of protecting myself, back in the days when I tried to deny my passions.  I worried then that if I went right ahead and wore a swimsuit before I was ready for its incredible femininity, I would lose control.  This, of course, worked as both deterrent and incentive, depending on my state of mind.  I could succumb to a swimsuit, and thank my stars that I hadn't dared to get into some lingerie, which would surely have destroyed my manhood; or perhaps while succumbing to that same swimsuit, and pray fervently for some lingerie, so that I could become that much more feminine.

It still stands as a very powerful fantasy.  It has always been at odds with starting right at the top with lingerie, as other powerful fantasies call for.

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