Fiction: Las Vegas

"I like to crossdress every now and then.  I especially love swimsuits.  I'm certainly not gay or anything.  I just like the way it feels on my body."

"I crossdress because I like the feel of nylon, satin etc."

"Bras don't do much for me. I am a leg man."

"It's not that I want to emulate women; I am me, a guy who happens to like wearing certain female garments."

Now, just think about that for a moment.

What goes through your mind when you wear panties?  Does it make you feel manly?  How gay is that?  Think about it: you've worn women's underwear, and you liked it.

The fact is, it makes you want to be a girl.  Trust me, you're this close to sucking cock.

I was like you once, but things got a little out of hand one time, and I ended up experiencing things that I never even knew I longed for.  I bet you're one of those closet queenies who sneaks around his wife's back, wearing her underwear when she's not around.  You might even be lucky enough to have a woman who understands your needs (partly, at least) and lets you indulge now and then with her.  But deep down, and you don't even know it, it never goes far enough.  When you're prancing around in a garter belt and stockings, even though you think you're just being a guy who likes to wear girlie things, you're really striving to become a woman.

But don't worry, you'll get it someday.  I for one didn't realize it until I tasted penis for the first time.

I was on a business trip in Vegas.  I was horny.  I couldn't stop thinking about wearing something girlish.  Up until then, I was just like you: I'd wear my wife's stuff sometimes, when she wasn't around.  I focused on the panties, cuz that's where the fun parts are.  I had tried on her bras once in a while, but it just wasn't as big a deal.  Anyway, I was bored and lonely and horny, so I looked through the yellow pages.  Sure enough, there are plenty of escort services, which are perfectly legal, which cater to any need imaginable.  I noticed a few that offered feminizations, and I bit.  I'd never crossdressed in front of anyone else before, and this excited me.  I was in Vegas, and I got caught up in the spirit of the place.

She came over with a little suitcase.  She was incredibly sexy and hot.  This kind of woman usually intimidates the hell out of me.  We went over the rules: what she does, my safety word for when I want to stop it from going any further.  She was clearly a pro, given the way she opened my eyes about my secret habit.

That first night, she asked me how long I was staying, and what I was in the mood for.  She was feeling me out, asking me questions, acting coy, acting bossy, acting playful.  She eventually settled on an abusive playfulness.

I was extremely shy.  She wasn't getting much out of me.  I was trying to cop a feel, but I was afraid of her.  So she got fed up, and called me a faggot.  I told her, I'm not gay, I just like wearing girlie stuff now and then.  What the fuck?

And she told me what I told you: think about what you're doing.  You want to dress like a girl, and not just a girl, but a skank.  You want to be a hottie like me.  She undid her blouse and showed me her sexy lingerie.  She moved very seductively towards me and asked me if it wasn't true that I wanted to wear her underwear.

Of course, I said yes.

"You like the way it feels on you?  It makes you feel sexy?"

"Yes", I answered.

"Well," she said, putting her hand on my knee, "that's because you want to be just like me."

"Yes!" I exclaimed, surprised at myself.  She was getting me hot.

She instructed me to take my clothes off, all of them, and pick out some undies from her suitcase.  She had all kinds of goodies in there.  I was nervous and shy, but I figured I was paying for it, so I might as well go through with it.  I told her I was hankering for a bathing suit, but she didn't have any swimwear.

She played with me a bit after I put the panties on.  I was getting a huge kick out of her seeing me.  Then she called me a homo.  I protested, but she pointed out that I had just voluntarily put on some of her panties, and that it was giving me a serious boner.  This made me even hotter.  But why?

She told me that it was ok with her that I was being gay.  "Just look at the fun you can have when you're being girlish," she said.  And she was right!  I was having a ball in spite of her.  "You'll be sucking cock and take it in the ass before you go home," she said.  But I didn't care.

I was prancing around and rubbing my cock.  I wanted to masturbate.  But I couldn't ignore her.  She was incredibly hot.  She was taking off her clothes, too, and showed me the garter belt and stockings she was hiding under her skirt.  "Wouldn't you love to have some of these?"

And with that, I put on a garter belt and stockings.  This wasn't new for me.  It was one of my favourites.  This was as far as I wanted to go.  In fact, I'd planned to only wear panties with anyone, but she made a good argument for more.

"Look at you!"  She said.  "Are you feeling feminine enough now?"

I said yes.  I wanted to come.

"Nonsense!"  She admonished.  "How can you be a proper girl if you're not wearing a bra?"

As I told you, I didn't normally wear bras.  They don't really do much for me.  I shyly declined.  "Are you sure," she asked.  I told her I was.

"Well," she said, "that's a shame."  She slunk over to me, in her underwear.  "You feeling all girly and all, yet you're not even close to being like me.  Look at my bra.  Don't you like it?"

I told her I did, I liked it very much.

"Then why are you afraid of it?"

I told her I wasn't afraid, I just didn't like wearing bras.

"But look how sexy it is," she said, fondling her breasts.

"OK," I said, relenting.  I was feeling kinky about, like I never had before.  "I'll wear it."

"Don't do it for me," she said. 

"No, I want it."

"You want what?"

"I want a bra."

Why?

"Because."

"Is it because you want to feel sexy and feminine?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I like it."

"You like being feminine?"

"Yes."

"Is it because you're gay?"

I could feel my face flush with anger and embarrassment.  "Why do you say that?"  I asked.

"Are you serious?"

"About what?"

"You're seriously asking me why I'm calling you a fag, while you prance around in front of me begging me for a bra to wear?"

I was terribly ashamed.  I wanted to take off my panties and garter belt and stockings, and kick her out of my room.  But when I felt the panty waist on my fingers, I couldn't.  I was wearing women's lingerie!  She was right, it was incredibly gay of me.  My crotch gushed with pleasure.  I wanted more.

"So do you still want the bra?" she asked.

"Yes!"

"OK," she said, "but I won't give it to you unless you admit that you're a flaming faggot who desperately wants to be a girl."

"Fine," I said.  "I'm a flaming faggot."  I was blushing as I said this.  "I'm a flaming faggot, and I desperately want to be a girl."

"And?  Why do you want to wear a bra?"

"Because I want to be a girl.  And I'm a faggot."

She gave me a bra to match the rest of my outfit, and I was ecstatic.  I was rubbing myself frantically.

"You don't want to be gay, do you?"  She asked.

"No," I whimpered.

"But you want to be feminine, right?"

"Yes!"

"You know, the more girlie stuff you wear, the more feminine you get?"

"Oh God!  I hope so!"

"With you wearing that bra, you're much more feminine than you were before."

She flatters me!

"It's going to get worse and worse you know."

The idea appeals to me.  Enormously.

"And the more feminine you become, the more you'll want to sleep with boys."

I suddenly felt ultra-feminine.  Just what I wanted!  I was picturing her fucking and sucking.  I was staring at her crotch.  I wanted one just like it.  She swung it around a bit in front of me, and said,
"Look at my pussy.  You want one just like it, and you want to do things with it that only girls do."

"Yes!"

Before she left, she had me in a patent leather minidress, fuck-me boots, and makeup.  I was totally effeminated, and she kept telling me so.  I came five times.  I had never gone so far.  She left me a silky nighty and a fresh pair of lacy panties, and told me I could sleep in them.

The next morning, I woke up in them feeling randy.  I loved the way the skirt of the nightie brushed so lightly and softly against my thighs.  I felt utterly feminine, again.  I thought about what she said: that the more I wore, the worse it would get.  I wanted it to get worse!  I now fantasized about wearing nothing but girl clothes forever!  I wore my panties under my suit all day.  It was fun, but it wasn't enough!  I wanted to have a bra to match it, and maybe have it just a little bit visible.  Just for kicks.

That night, she knocked on my door again, unexpectedly.  I suppose she wanted her clothes back.  She confirmed this, and I was crestfallen.  I asked her if she was busy, and she started to indicate that she should be with another client.  I paid her twice as much for her company, and she gladly accepted it.

She was proud of me for wearing panties all day under my clothes.  But, she said, she suspected I wanted to go further.  I sheepishly agreed.  So we went shopping.  "You wanted a bathing suit, right?" She asked.

We browsed around together for a while, and we settled on a light blue bikini with little red flower print.  She forced me to tell the cashier that it was for me.  I was so embarrassed, but thrilled.  I was telling other people about my secret!  Then she had me go to another store and buy a fantastic one-piece suit in bright orange with a zipper in the front.  Again, I had to proclaim that I would be wearing it.  So I did, in great anticipation.

We went back to my room, and she had me put on the one-piece.  It was even better than I had imagined.  I'd worn bathing suits before, but this was incredible.  Somehow, she made me feel even more feminine.  I suppose because I could look at her and imagine myself like her.  Then I put on the bikini and pranced around some more.

"Aren't you the little prancing gaylord!" she said.  

"Yes I am!"  I admitted.  "I love feeling feminine!  This is incredibly gay of me!  I've worn girl stuff all day long, and I want more!  I love how gay this is!  I wish I had a pussy!"

"And what would you do with it?" she asked.

"I would fuck boys with it, I whispered, blushing like a schoolgirl."

With that, she led me into the bathroom, where we applied depilatory cream all over my body.  Oh my god, I thought, this is going much too far!  How will I explain this?  But it was too late.  I wanted it.

I slept in the one piece, and wore the bikini all day under my clothes.  It was easily visible under my shirt, especially the tie around my back and the back of my neck.  It made me feel so sassy!  But I longed for some stockings on my bare legs.  At least I had a bra on!

So that evening, I paid her again, and we went shopping for club wear.  I had my very own outfit now, including gorgeous fuck-me boots, a very short miniskirt, and a sexy blousy top.  I also bought plenty of panties and bras for myself, since I decided I would never wear men's clothes again.  And of course, stockings and a garter belt.

We went back to my room to put them all on, and head out.  I wanted everyone in the world to see me as the girl that I am!  She took me to a gay nightclub.  At first, I resisted, but she convinced me that it would be safer from punks who don't understand trying to kick the shit out of me.

I enjoyed the attention I was getting.  A guy struck up a conversation with me, and we talked quite a bit.  I had never hung out with gay people before, and I realized then that they're quite nice.  Besides, there I was dressed like a slut.  He invited me to his room to hang out a bit, and I accepted, naively.

Once in his room, he put the moves on me.  At first, I was shocked, and a little bit disgusted.  But he kept fingering the tops of my stockings.  I felt so fantastically feminine. I could just picture my cunt forming in my clothes.  It made me horny to think that I was wearing such slutty girlie clothes, and flirting with a guy!  I did not resist when he kissed me. 

To make a long story short, she was right.  Before I knew it, I had his dick in my hand.  It didn't even occur to me what I was doing.  I wanted so badly to taste it.  I was picturing her as I put my mouth on it.  When he came in my mouth and all over my face, I thought to myself, how gay is that?  I had gone so far that it didn't even phase me to have his hard penis pump into my ass, like the girly faggot that I am.

I now fantasize about cock all the time.  My wife left me, and I wear nothing but girls' clothes.  I have become transsexual, and I can't wait for my operation.

That, my friend, is what is really going on in your head.

Fiction: Baby Steps

What happens if you keep going that extra little bit too far...

It all goes in baby steps.

Damn, she's so sexy in those panties.  And they look so erotic just lying there on the chair, flung so carelessly in a moment of passion.  I pick them up, just to feel the soft silk in my hands.  I'm so turned on by this item of pure femininity.  I touch it to my cock.  Heaven.  Just a couple of strokes... oh, yeah, that's good.  Like my cock inside her soft smooth cunt skin.  I'm still stroking.  Uh oh.  Time to clean up.

I have defiled my girlfriend's underwear.  What can I say?  It's certainly erotic.  I just have to be careful not to come all over it again.  She'll think it's weird.  I will hide the evidence in the laundry, and forget this ever happened.

There's so much more to panties than the texture.  I like to fondle the shape, and imagine her pussy inside it, and her hips, and her belly, and her thighs.  Crumpling it up against my cock just doesn't let me appreciate them as much.  How can I feel this silkiness on my cock without wrinkling and mangling them?  How can I fondle them as if her body is in them?  I need a mannequin.  Damn, that would be pretty creepy.  I want to feel her cunt!  I want to fuck it!  Now I'm rubbing the absorbant part that's on the crotch against my dick.  Her pussy touches this!  I want to touch it!  I want to caress her ass, the curves that converge on that spot!  How can I do it?  I want this femininity all over me!  I want to be surrounded by it, in its most concentrated form.  I want to feel her body all over me.  I can't rub them on me hard enough.  I'm not getting enough girlieness!  I'm stepping into them.  I'm grinding against them, and OH MY GOD, it feels so good!  Oh my GOD, the femininity is all over me, and I couldn't get away from it if I even wanted to!  I have never been so aroused in my life!  I am worshipping her girlishness!  I am wearing her panties!  And I love it!  I can't take it anymore... And now there's a mess all over, and I'm thoroughly disgusted with myself.

Two months later.  I don't know what possessed me.  But I haven't been able to shake it ever since.  It felt so sexy.  I could imagine what it must feel like to be a girl, all sleek and smooth and curvy.  It didn't hurt that her panties are unlike anything I've ever  felt before: so ridiculously smooth, and form fitting.  I have to be careful never to do that again.  I don't want to compromise my manhood any more than I already have.  How depraved and disgusting.

There they are again, beckoning me.  I still can't believe I wore them.  They're so indescribably feminine.  I've surely broken something inside myself by wearing them.  How can I ever consider myself a true man again?  But then again, how can an inert piece of cloth possibly change anything?  It's just a little silk cloth.  So why am I so compelled by them?  Why do they make me so nervous?  Why am I so fucking horny all of a sudden?  What happens to a man when he's exposed to such overwhelming femininity?  It can't possibly make the slightest bit of difference.  I'm sliding them on, hesitantly, tentatively.  I can't do this again.  I can't risk it.  A few strokes, and I take them off.  That was easy, wasn't it?  I felt the feminine, and I resisted.  Let's try that again.  Oh God.  No.  I can't handle it.  Whew.  They're off again.  I put them away, and let's think about her some more.  How wonderful she looks in those panties.  I'm caressing myself, grinding into the bed, naked.  How amazing they felt on my hips... Oh yeah, that's much better.  Thank God I didn't wear them.

It's three months later.  I've just had a bit of a scare.  I almost wore her panties again.  Damn, it felt so fucking good!  I jerked off like crazy, but I'm still so unsatisfied.  What can I do?

I resisted enough.  I know for sure that I can control these urges.  I might as well give in every now and then, no?  That's not going too far.  I mean, it is just silk.  So what if it's worn only by women.  I can't believe I'm doing this again!  I feel so relieved now that I am wearing them.  I want her femininity!  To hell with my fears!  I want it!  It feels incredible when I picture her body, and I can feel it in my hands, too.  It's like I'm fondling her.  It's like my body is now hers!  Oh!  It's like I'm channelling her body through her underwear!  It's making me her!  YES!  This is what it's like to be female!  OH YES... What have I done to myself?

It's three months and a day later, and I've finally given in again.  I've been pining for that orgasm for weeks.  I can no longer tell myself that it was a one-time deal.  I'm sure it's perfectly normal.  I think about her all the time.  It's not like I'm becoming a fag or anything.  It just feels really good on my body.  I guess now I know why girls love their lingerie: it's all about the texture.  It's too bad that men can't have silk and satin and lace underwear that fits like that, cuz I'd wear it all the time.  I'm sure this is all perfectly normal; all the same, she can't ever find out that I've done this.  I swear I'll never wear those panties again.

It's such a shame that I have sworn to never touch those black silk panties of hers ever again.  I guess I'll just have to imagine... Just imagine wearing panties again.  Not just those black silk ones... anything!  It's so naughty!  I'd be in such serious trouble if I was really wearing panties again!  It would be so exquisite!

Damn, how I miss those panties.  It's just not the same without them.  I know, I know, it's dangerously faggy.    I know it's undermining my manhood.  But that's exactly what I fucking love about it!  I'm so naughty, I've worn women's underwear!  And I just know that it's turning me into a girl!  Oh God!  I'm turning into a girl!  And I want to come just thinking about it!

Three weeks after that last entry.  This is really starting to scare me.  Not a day goes by that I don't fantasize about putting on those panties.  The things that go through my mind!  I might as well be wearing them, for all the perverted thoughts I've had.  But no, I won't give in.  There's too much at stake.

What harm could there be if I wear these panties again?  I've done it before !  I put them on so shamelessly!  I can't believe I starved myself for so long.  What a feast we shall have tonight!

The very next fucking day!  I made a vow to myself, and I broke it.  I have now officially lost a part of my manhood.  I swear that I will never do that again.  I'll go double or nothing: I'll never give in again; if I do, I willingly accept to lose double the masculinity.  I'm that confident that I'll succeed.  Otherwise, I'll be twice as feminine, and who knows what that will lead to.

Clearly, that kind of deal will lead to me being twice as feminine.  Just think: I've only worn one pair of women's underwear, so how feminine can I be?  Imagine how much more fun it would be if I were twice as girlish?  I could wear other panties!  Like those pink flowery lace ones!  Or the sheer white thong!  I'm sorry, but with those kinds of benefits, I don't see the point in stopping.

Twenty minutes later.  That was fucking hard, wasn't it?  At least that should satisfy me for a while. 

The lacy panties are, believe it or not, even more exquisitely sexy on me than the black satin.  Now that I'm twice the girl, I get twice the fun.  I'm not beating around the bush with this anymore.  I have now reached a whole new level of femininity!  And it feels fantastic!

A month later.  I'm now drawn to all her underwear.  I've got to stop at two.  I already know far too much about wearing women's underwear than I'm comfortable with.

It's such a shame that she's wearing the ones I've already tried.  Tsk-tsk.  I guess I have no choice.  I'll have to put on some others.  Why limit myself?

Six months later.  I think I've tried on all of her sexy panties by now.  Each time I tell myself that it's the last time, but I come back anyway.  I can't let this become a habit, or she'll surely catch me in the act.

Aw, panties again?  Sure, they're lots of fun, but I want some excitement!  How about that bikini bottom?  Yes, it's a very big step, going from just innocent panties to a bathing suit.  But I'm in so deep now that there's no point in resisting.  Still, with all my experience, I tremble with the bikini panties in my hands.  This is so feminine that I can hardly fathom what I'm getting into.  Oh, yes!  This is sweet!  How will I ever explain this one?

Two weeks later.  It's bad enough that I wear panties almost every other day now, but I'm now trying on swimwear!  No more for me.  I don't care how good it feels.

I couldn't possibly do without this for 48 hours anymore!  Wasn't it only yesterday that I utterly effeminated myself by wearing panties?  And also the day before?  And the day before that?  Don't tell me now that it's not having an effect.  I'm hooked.  I'm turning into a girl!  The more I do this, the more irreversible it gets!

Three months.  I'm a fiend.  This is better than sex now.  I can't believe she doesn't know.  As long as it's a secret, I should be fine.  If she finds out, I'm toast.

Only a true girl would wear panties like this all day long!  They feel so nice under my regular yucky boy pants.  Nobody knows!  Tee-hee!  Only I know what a wretched little t-gurl I've become.

A month later.  Busted.  She cried for days.  She got amorous and started undressing me, and found her own panties in my pants.  What could I say?  There's no conceivable explanation.  So now she knows.  I don't know what will come of it.  I have promised to stop.  I only hope that I can keep my promise.

Who would've thought that a one-piece bathing suit could feel so agonizingly feminine?  I love the way it sleeks out my waist, and covers my nipples.  This is a new favourite.  Too bad about that promise, eh?  This is so radically different from just plain old panties and bikini bottoms.  And it's so unmistakably feminine!

Another month.  I'm such a scoundrel.  But it's all I can think about!  Those swimsuits are a force to be reckoned with!  Anyway, we weren't getting along.  It's too bad she had to move on, but frankly, I think I'll be fine.

I'm dying for some action!  It's time for a wardrobe.  Let's go shopping.  First, some panties.  No problem.  They can just think I'm buying lingerie for my girl.  Which is exactly what I'm doing, in a way.  The bathing suits are going to be a bit trickier.  They'll just have to wait.

A week.  I now have women's underwear in my dresser, and it's all mine.  I bought it.  For myself.  And you know what?  I'm cool with that.  As long as word doesn't get around.  I wear them for comfort, not some sick fetish.

Funny that my days always culminate in me getting sexual gratification out of my “comfortable” underwear.  Swimsuits are comfortable too, and it's time to get one.

A week.  I'll admit, it is pretty cracked.  There was no way to appear normal in a bathing suit store full of girls, shopping for a one-piece woman's bathing suit.  I was nervous, I was sweating.  They know.  They can tell.  So maybe I do have a bit of a fetish.  At least I don't know them, and they don't know me.

I miss her bikini bottom.  It was so snug and cozy.  I guess I'll just have to imagine it...

Three weeks.  Imagine their surprise when the weird guy came looking for bikinis.  Now they know for sure.  They were giggling at me this time.  They have no doubt now.  Fuck them!  At least I know what pleases me!  It took so long, too, to pick out a bra.  I have to at least pretend that I'm buying for a girl, even if they don't believe me.  It's too bad I had to get one, because God knows I'll never go so far as to wear one.  It's strictly for down there.

Now that I have my hard-earned bikini bottom on, I feel sorta half-naked.  The bra is just kinda sitting there.  I was going to throw it away.  I mean, I don't have any boobies to cover, so why bother?  Only girls need to wear those.  I tremble as I put it on.  With great difficulty.  Now, there can no longer be any pretense.  I am wearing a bra.  It matches my bikini bottom.  I'm full-on wearing a female outfit.  I am doing it because I want to feel feminine.  And good Goddess, does it ever feel feminine!  I explode with girlishness now.  I am hooked.  I give up.  This is what I want. 

Three hours.  I don't want to take it off.  I like it.  A lot.  I can't believe that I'm wearing a full bikini!  And it turns me on, even after coming three times!  This is truly amazing.  I admit it.  I love to wear women's clothes.  I love feeling feminine.  But seriously, it has to remain a secret.  I'll have to enjoy this alone. 

How could I have worn panties so long without one of these bras?  Oh my god, this is so fucking female!!  What other delights have I deprived myself of?

A week.  I just now found myself compelled to buy tops to match my panties.  I am now a consumer of brassieres.  This is completely out of control.  What if somebody saw me?

What a binge!  It'll take me days to try on all these pretty tops!  Bras, bodices, corsets, bustiers, teddies!  I'm in heaven!

A day later.  I now officially have more articles of female undergarments than male.  What a ridiculous situation.  It's not like I even really wear the gitch anymore.  I should at least hold on to it in case of emergency.

Now I have no choice but to wear panties every single day, at all times.  It's so liberating to be rid of that ugly men's underwear!  Long live lingerie!

Two weeks later.  Well, now I've got more space in my dresser.  I can't possibly go much further.  What will I do if I ever have a girl over?

I couldn't possibly be without some article of femininity for any prolonged amount of time, could I?  That's why nightgowns are so important.  Now I can sleep in lingerie, wake up, and put on some panties that I'll wear all day.  I'm such a fag!

Three months.  This is getting ridiculous.  Fags are hitting on me now.  They never have before.  It can't be a coincidence.  I'm getting carried away when I think about what my underwear looks like.  And maybe the bra shows, after all.  Too bad I don't have any guy underwear anymore, to go back to. 

This body hair is so disgusting.  I want smooth silky girlie legs.  And belly.  And arms.  I can't shave this much, and it'll grow back all scratchy.  This Nair ought to do the trick.  Oh my Goddess!  I feel so naked!  I can't believe I've done this!  This is so feminine!  I have girls' legs now!

A month.  This is getting really scary.  Now I can't even change in front of other men at the gym.  How can I possibly explain the lack of body hair?  I know that bodybuilders do it, but I'm no bodybuilder.  I'll enjoy it while I can, but it'll have to grow back.

Wow, do bare legs every look good in stockings!  I can't believe I didn't try this sooner!  It was so gross with all that hair in there before.  Now my legs look positively female.  Oh Goddess!  I can finally wear that garter belt and not be embarrassed!

A day.  Great.  Now I've worn just about everything that can be found in a lingerie shop.  I'm clean of body hair.  People can tell.  But God know I'll never admit what I'm doing!

What's the point of wearing stockings without some pretty heels?  Sandals would show off my toes.  But that's so feminine!  Do I dare?  This saleslady is looking at me funny.  Hasn't she ever seen a man browsing women's shoes?  She looks a bit uneasy and embarrassed when she asks me if I'd like to try some on.  She does not tell me that they're women's shoes.  I make up some lie about dressing up for some masquerade, but I can tell she doesn't believe me.  But it's ok.  At least I know they'll fit me.  It doesn't bother me if a few key salespeople know!  I need to keep my wardrobe up to date, after all!

Two weeks.  How humiliating!  Everyone in the shoe store now knows what I'm doing.  Not only have I bought the skankiest strappy sandals and fuck-me boots in the store, but I tried them on!  And they even commented on the stockings I had on under my jeans!  I must keep this private!  Good thing I can't even walk in heels!

I look and feel like a dominatrix in the FMB's, and a club skank or even a hooker in the strappies!  Who knew that footwear could be so sexy?  I am so overwhelmingly feminine now!  There is absolutely no turning back now!  What more can I possibly do?!?

Three days.  I'm clomping around in the mall in women's fuck-me boots, just barely covered up by my jeans.  Everybody can see the three-inch heels, and the pointy toe.  I get funny looks from lots of people.  But I also have a huge boner, so I don't care.  It's not like I'm too obvious.

The saleslady wouldn't let me use the change room to try on the clothes I'd picked out.  She said it would be improper.  I can't believe I asked her to!  I wasn't thinking, I was too excited.  The little black dress will be so stunning on me, as will the blouse and miniskirt.  It's ok, I'm sure they'll fit me anyway.  If not, I'll just exchange them!

A week.  So I've now worn it all.  My makeup skills are getting pretty acceptable.  Nobody says anything about the cut of my jeans or shirts, even though they are for girls.  I am officially a total transvestite.  I haven't had the balls to go out in a dress or skirt, but I've come pretty close.  At least I do this because I love girls.  Hard to explain how this is all a result of extreme heterosexuality.

There is something about Andrew that makes my legs quiver.  I've only ever fantasized about this before.  In public I still can't help but stare at other girls, and get jealous about what they're wearing.  I'm not even wearing a dress, and I think he likes that.  He's so flaming gay!  But there's something erotic about him, about the way he carries himself. 

Two months.  What the hell is happening to me?  I can't stop thinking about Andrew!  It feels just like it felt when I met my ex-girlfriend!  I have a crush on a man!  I can't let it continue.  I have to avoid him.

I melted in his arms when he kissed me.  I knew what he really wanted.  I clutched at his cock.  Oh, how I've longed to have another man's cock in my hand!

A week.  I'm excited about what's happening.  Here I sit, wearing a little miniskirt and a halter top and strappy sandals, wondering how I became a fag.  I think of little more than cock now.  I fantasize about it rubbing against my butt cheeks, about how it must taste.  I want to rub cock all over my ultra-feminine body.  In a way, I wish I really did have a pussy; in another way, I'm extremely turned on by the idea that I'm a flaming faggot who wants a cock rammed up his tight little asshole.  How did I become so gay!  Why do I love it so much!

I have never come so much in my entire life.  My little prick is so sore from it that it hurts to pee.  I came twice with his cock in my mouth.  I didn't know how to swallow, but what came out of my mouth I spread on his cock and his chest and lapped it all up.  I came again when he merely touched my butt cheek with his knob.  I came again when he got in all the way, even though it hurt.  Just the thought of having a penis inside me made me come, let alone actually having it there.  His pumping made me howl like a she-wolf, and come at least twice more.  Then when I felt him pumping his semen deep inside me, I came again.  We tried a few different positions, with always the same result.  He's exhausted now.  So am I, but I want more, can you believe it?  And I just know that as fun as this is, it would be even better if I were a girll, and taking him in my cunt.

We've been a couple for about a month now.  He barely satisfies me.  He's not happy about me taking the hormones, either.  He's not pleased about me growing boobs to fit into my many brassieres, and he's certainly not happy about the prospect of me having a pussy.  Tough luck!

Diary: Hollywood

I spent this evening in Hollywood, enthralled by the multitudes of gorgeous, sexy women.  Now I’m wearing the outfit I bought a few weeks ago: my vinyl mini-dress, matching lace garter belt and thong, and fishnet stockings.  I didn’t see anyone wearing anything like this, but I desperately need some femininity.

I did come across one of the most exquisitely beautiful women I’ve ever seen.  She was slightly oriental, young, and wearing a form-fitting backless red formal dress.  Her body was perfect, and she carried herself like a model.  The slit in her skirt only came up just above her knee, but it revealed a stunning pair of legs.  Exquisite.  I should hang around there more often.  There are many sleazy lingerie shops along Hollywood Boulevard that I might thoroughly enjoy.

I wish I could describe exactly what it is that femininity does to me.  I can’t even describe what it is.  The way women move, the way they carry themselves, has so much to it, and yet I can’t even put my finger on how it differs from men.  And why do I love it so much?  Maybe it’s a certain innate delicacy to their every gesture.  Their limp-wristed, butt-wiggling walk.  The way their feminine features, from their soft, smooth, hairless skin; their slender arms, shoulders, necks; their soft, rounded bottoms; the exquisitely slim curves of their waists; their round perfect breasts; all billowing out from them without their even knowing it. 

And here I am, wearing a fucking dress.

The appeal is so ridiculously strong.  I want to be even more feminine right now.  I want to make myself utterly female.  It’s not good enough that I’m wearing sexy lingerie and sex wear; no, I am fantasizing about wearing my corset bra.  I need that extra layer of womanhood.  I need something to accentuate my breasts, and taper down my soft, soft, slim, sexy waist.  I want to abandon myself to it.

There, that’s much better.

I love brassieres.  I love the way the part under the arms looks.  I love the way the straps (I’ve removed them from my corset bra because this outfit looks much better without them) accentuate the delicacy of female shoulders.  And of course, the titties.  

Considering how much I worship women, is it really any wonder that I can’t resist the urge to pretend to be one?  Given the chance to dress up like a girl, I can’t imagine how a normal man wouldn’t be overwhelmed with temptation.  I love how lingerie makes me feel so sexy.  I imagine myself as a girl.  I imagine myself recklessly, remorselessly, unhesitatingly abandoning my manhood.

The fantasy is this: I love a girl.  I want to be her.  I tell her as much when I make love to her.  Finally, I beg to wear her clothes.  I know she disapproves, but I beg her, and promise to do anything at all for her if only she lets me wear her panties.  And so she does, but I must serve her every whim.  She allows me the privilege of wearing her panties.  I become her slave bitch.  She insists that I forsake any pretense of manhood if I want to wear her clothes.  I have to get my own wardrobe, and dispose of all my male clothes.  I am no longer allowed to wear anything the least bit masculine.  Only lingerie, dresses and skirts, and high-heeled shoes.  I must completely abandon my manhood.  But I already want this, even though I’m afraid to go out in public that way.  Eventually my desires prove far stronger than my humility.  So she insists that I bring her men to replace me.  And I do.  And I get men of my own, too.  I become a complete transsexual.  And I love every second of it.