Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Yes, I'm Still Here...

It's been over a year since I've posted here. What a shame.

I've been writing my stories very slowly. There just isn't time, now that I have an active toddler. When I do get into the mood, which is still quite often, I'm consuming, not producing. I'm sorry, but I haven't got anything to show you.

My enthusiasm for cross-dressing has changed somewhat over the last year. It has gotten to the point now that whenever I do it, I feel rushed, so I end up climaxing long before I want to. Sometimes I don't even get a full erection. More often than not, I now either borrow my wife's things, or wear nothing and just fantasize while I wank. It has become much more of a cerebral activity. I rarely go to the trouble of digging out my stash anymore. In a way, I like it better like this. The duplicity wears on you after a while.

Thinking back, I used to take such huge risks. I used to wear swimsuits in the garage early in the morning while my wife slept. I no longer feel confident enough that I can get away with such things, and I no longer even feel that it's necessary.

Meanwhile, whenever we have sex, I'm secretly fantasizing about being her, or about becoming a woman. It's the only thing that turns me on. She still hasn't got the slightest clue.

Part of the reason I stopped posting here is that I'm not sure what this blog is for. What do I want to do here? There's such a huge mix of different things going on here that rather than try to continue doing something -- anything -- I just throw my hands up and write nothing. It feels like there are two voices here: the fun one with the sexy fantasies, and the depressing introspective meta-voice of this post. I'm beginning to wonder whether the two should never co-exist. I think they need different blogs.

I've noticed that the blogs that turn me on are most likely heavy on embellishment. Confessional stuff like this is pretty rare, and for a good reason: it's anti-climactic, for the most part. I don't feel quite right about feeding people all kinds of bullshit about my sex life, but I do feel like there needs to be somewhere to reveal these dirty little secrets of mine. As for my fantasies, they'd benefit from being unburdened by any pretense to truth.

Stay tuned. Things are going to change.