This is Becoming a Habit

 I'm on another business trip, and as is becoming usual, I bought myself some nail polish and makeup.

I bought a cheap makeup box on Amazon, which includes foundation, bronzer, blush, a bunch of eyeshadow, and lip gloss. It's a very small case, and it comes with little brushes. It's low quality stuff, but I want to practice putting on eyeshadow especially. I had it delivered to the hotel so I wouldn't have to pack it.

When I got here, I also had to get myself some nail polish. I get really excited about painting my nails, and I jump at the chance to do it when I'm travelling alone. I'm getting better at putting it on, but I still need a lot of practice. I still want to wear it in public someday, but I'm not ready for that now.

I also bought some eyeliner and mascara. I couldn't just do eyeshadow, right?

I read and watched tutorials on how to do it. I need a lot of practice. I must say though that it's really, objectively fun! Never mind that I'm a raging sissy, it's really enjoyable putting colors on my face. Brushing it on, blending it, and watching it come together is altogether pleasant. I look hideous, and I did a pretty bad job, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Now I've got my eyes and lips made up, and my nails painted, and I'm wearing panties and a nightie. I'm totally girlied out, and I love every bit of it! I really wish right now that I was a pretty woman, so I could do justice to what I'm wearing. For a while I lay back in bed and simply luxuriated in this femininity.

I'll be here for three more nights. I'll be removing the nail polish from my fingers every morning, and putting it on again at night. I plan to practice putting on the makeup every night as well, but whether I'll have the energy to remains to be seen. On Thursday, I'm expecting a delivery of two dresses, a bodysuit, and two bras. I had wanted it to arrive much sooner, but that's the way it goes sometimes.

Right now I'm especially excited that I'm becoming the type of person who knows how to put on makeup.

Working Out

For quite some time now, I've not been getting any exercise. I used to go jogging pretty regularly, and I had a routine of push-ups, crunches, and various other body-only exercises to keep in shape. I stopped, partly because of schedule changes and work and family obligations, partly because of laziness, and, crucially, partly because I didn't want to look so manly. 

Looking back to some years ago, my attitude to exercise has been corrupted by my secret desire for femininity since at least a few years ago. I used to exercise as a way to assert my manhood in the face of these feminine urges, but that stopped a long time ago. At some point, exercise became linked in my head with femininity. I love the way women look in tight athletic wear, and I yearn to join them.

Apparently, I never confessed to this here before, but for a while a few years ago, I had access to showers at work, where you'd have to borrow a key. I used to work out on the beach on the commute into work, and when I got to the office, in the shower, I would dress up in swimsuits. I remember this whenever I work out. Even then, I used to fantasize about working out on the beach wearing girl stuff. I need to write a post about that.

Anyway, By now it's been many months since I've done any kind of regular exercise, and I've got a pot belly, which looks just awful when I dress up. I want to get back into shape, and yes, a huge motivation is how I'll look in the mirror in a bikini or in lingerie.

Some of the few times I've jogged over the last couple of years, I've been possessed with the idea of getting in shape to be feminine. I long to wear women's workout clothes. Remember when I bought myself a sports bra and some workout pants when T__ took a brief trip that one time?

With all of this in mind, I've been strongly considering jogging in feminine workout clothes. I'm shopping online for some cute booty shorts, which I could wear under my male athletic shorts with nobody noticing. I could wear my sports bra under my shirt. This motivates me to work out, because it comes with the reward of going secretly en femme.

Once I have the shorts, I'll have a complete feminine exercise outfit. I'll start with jogging, but I'll be tempted to do my other exercises in it, too. Then the challenge will be concealing all of this from my family.

I Want Nails and Makeup

 I've had a smoldering obsession with getting my nails done, ever since the mall date incident during the time when we were going to couples therapy. Often, just imagining having polish on my nails is enough to wind me up.

I'm taking a business trip this week, which gives me an opportunity to do it again. I'm giddy with excitement! But, I'm also a bit more ambitious: since I'm planning to buy my nail polish and remover from a drugstore near my hotel, I might as well get some basic makeup as well!

I've only very rarely tried on makeup. I don't even remember the last time, and I'm not sure I've ever tried on anything more than lipstick. This time, I'm more interested in eye makeup. I'm getting eyeliner, mascara, and maybe shadow.

I've generally avoided makeup, mostly because of the challenge of keeping it secret when I only have an hour or so at most to play dress-up. I've never felt committed enough to it to buy any, and I wouldn't dare to use my wife's. It hasn't been a crucial part of my fantasies, although my fascination with eye makeup has been growing for some time. 

For some time now, I've been much more interested in not only dressing up to feel feminine, but in actually looking feminine as well. Makeup is definitely a huge part of that. I want to see how I look. I know it'll take a lot of practice, which I don't have much opportunity for, but I'm very keen on getting started.

It feels like I'm taking my femininity to a new level. Hopefully, I'm able to find what I need, and go through with it...

Diary: Writing a Diary

Several months ago, I started keeping a log of my crossdressing sessions. I've been curious about identifying habits, patterns, and themes over time. I had an identical process years ago, but I stopped when it became tedious to record all the details after the fact.

Recently, I realized that it would be sort of fun to describe at least some of these sessions publicly. There's some value to others in reading about my real-life experiences; and there's a certain thrill I get out of writing about it. There's a huge amount of fiction out there that purports to do this, but veers into fantasy. This is going to be quite a bit more boring, but will likely include some description of what I'm fantasizing about.

Enjoy!