Friday, August 31, 2001

Diary: Wherein I Realize That I Wish I Had a Vagina

I dreamed last night that I had a cunt.  My cock got chopped off, and turned into a cunt.  I've never imagined it so vividly before.  It's always been a sort of tangential concept, not fully explored.  Last night I dreamed it, felt it as if it were real.  I was so pleased that I could wear panties now and they'd fit around my new equipment just the way they're supposed to.  I began to masturbate, and swore that I would suck as much cock as I possibly could, now that I was a girl.  It was so intense that I have been thinking about it all day long.  I think the point is that I never really understood that that is what I really am always fantasizing about.  I have said over and over again that I want to be a girl, but I never conceived of it in that fundamental way before.  

Anyway, I have lost focus in the story I was writing.  It's becoming painfully slow and repetitive.  It needs a swift kick in the ass to get it going again.  

There are a couple of elements I'd like to mention once again.  First, the desire to transform must be entirely voluntary, yet completely unexpected.  There can be an element of force or coercion to get it started, but there must be a conscious decision on the victim's part.  For example, one of the stories I like has a pair of wives, a psychologist and a plastic surgeon, turn their husbands into transsexuals.  The trouble is that neither man had any interest in becoming a woman before the psychologist hypnotized him.  If not for the hypnosis, neither man would have gone through with it.  There was no shocking discovery, just instant feminization. 
 Also, humiliation should play a role.  There should be an internal struggle between humiliation and bliss, such that bliss must eventually prevail.  

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