Disappointment

Sadly, my wife didn't end up going on her trip. She's feeling too sick from the pregnancy. Therefore, there will be no girlie bender.

Life goes on.

Almost Busted

Last night I dreamed that I was wearing bikini-cut panties under a tight mini skirt, with garters and stockings. I was intensely aroused, and I woke up near the point of climax. When I got up in the morning, I was still starved for some sort of feminine action.

I've been taking chances lately by carefully putting on one of my new swimsuits in another part of the house while my wife sleeps in. I jumped at the chance this morning, and no sooner had I put on my old favorite and gotten into a nice rhythm than I heard her emerge from the bedroom.

In a panic, I jumped back into my shorts over top of my bikini panties, and whipped off the bra. I wasn't thinking straight, so I partly shut the door -- which I rarely do -- when I heard her, looking to cover myself in case she came by. I had no idea what to do with the bra, so I opened a closet door, thinking I'd toss it in there quickly. I thought better of it, and instead tossed it under a bookcase in a corner where I have a bunch of other junk lying around, hoping she wouldn't see it. I then nonchalantly stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, heart pounding, wondering what I could possibly do with my panties. I gently placed them in the hamper, and covered them with some other stuff which was already there, got my composure back, and came out of the bathroom as if everything were perfectly normal.

She didn't say a thing about any of this. She's struggling with morning sickness, so she was in a daze staring unenthusiastically at a bowl of half-eaten cereal. I was safe!

Ever since then, I've been cranky for losing my chance to cavort in a bikini. Oh, how much easier this could be if she only knew about it and was OK with it! But even then, I'm sure she wouldn't be happy about me jerking off to porn when I think she's not around, like a normal man.

Swimsuit Extravaganza

My new stuff all arrived on Wednesday. When I picked it up at the post office, the lady behind the counter remarked on the package from Venus. "I know it's not for you," she said, "but I'm sure she'll love it."

These days, it's very difficult to feel like I have the privacy and freedom to play with my feminine wardrobe. It's mostly stashed away somewhere for better times. However, I'm now carrying this new stuff around with me every day, wishing for opportunities to put it on. Lately I've been sneaking it on when the wife's still sleeping, or in the late evening after she's turned in, since she's not feeling well. Of course, I found such an opportunity the night that I received my goods.

I had it all planned out: I would try on the one-piece first, followed by the scuba bikini, then the skirted bikini, and the panties. This way it would follow the fantasy story arc of ever-more feminine outfits. It didn't quite work out the way I'd hoped: the one-piece was too small!

I struggled to get into it, not realizing that it would be so tight. The difficulty was in getting my big manly shoulders into the appropriate places, given that the suit was already just a tad too small. As I struggled to contort my arm fully into it, knowing that my wife was sleeping only 30 feet away, I managed to break the zipper. It was a lost cause, and I was sorely bummed. I'd have to return this one, and possibly have to explain that I damaged it. How humiliating!

Thankfully, the rest of it went very well. The scuba bikini is soft and sweet. The bra especially feels like a dream. The skirted bikini is everything I'd hoped for, and the 5-way bandeau bra is quite spectacular as well. And finally, the all-over lace panties are cute, but the lace-up hiphugger is fantastic!

I retired that night without satisfying my urges, with a plan to slake my thirst in the morning. I hardly slept at all, beset by thoughts of feminization. I had a moment of clarity, where I understood the enormity of my fetish and its inevitable trajectory, but it faded away in the fog of half-sleep.

In the morning, I resumed my adventure. What tormented me most of all the night before was my failure to put on the scuba one-piece. I was determined to try again, doubting that I had truly put in a proper effort. I paid more attention to the fit this time, and yes, it's too tight even on the hips and crotch. But I persevered, and when I managed to get one shoulder tucked in, I knew I was close to Nirvana. The second shoulder was even more difficult, but when I finally twisted it into place, and pulled the suit to its proper place, I was amazed that I had even managed it.

Part of my difficulty had been fear. It was so tight, and so difficult to put on, that I was afraid that I would be unable to remove it. The night before, I was pressed for time; but now I felt more confident that I wouldn't be discovered, so I forged ahead. This time, as many others, fear actually fed my desire. How fantastic would it be to put on an item of feminine attire, and become trapped in it?  I had experienced something similar many years ago when I house-sat for a petite girlfriend and put on her athletic one-piece, which was also too small for me, but not nearly as difficult to deal with. This was on a whole new level of risk, with it being that much more difficult, and also with my wife sleeping so nearby.

Sadly, I knew it was much too tight to be practical. I'd rather have it in a slightly bigger size and be able to enjoy more often. I pranced around in front of a mirror for a bit, and fiddled with the zipper, before I had to remove it to avoid an accident.

I then proceeded to have precisely that accident in the skirted bikini, followed closely by the scuba bikini. I was amazed at how easily I had recuperated. I was now in a spiral of feminine fantasy, which I was forced to escape to embark on another mundane day of work in the real world.

Preparations for a Massive Gurlie Bender

The perils of a double life are really starting to take their toll. My wife is pregnant, and we're both ecstatic about it. However, current arrangements have made it nearly impossible for me to indulge in my secret fantasies. She's always around when I am, which has left me the last few weeks with very few opportunities to prance around in anything feminine. However, the one time I did, it was like I'd forgotten how good it feels, and I re-discovered femininity in a bikini all over again. While I was used to feminizing myself practically every other day, I now treasure these rare moments more than ever before.

It came as a wonderful and welcome surprise to learn the other day that my wife might be taking a 5-day trip at the end of the month. This would leave me alone to my devices the entire time, and given the dearth of opportunities lately and for the foreseeable future, I'm determined to take full advantage.

The plan is to spend pretty much the entire time wearing something girlie. I intend to wear panties at work under my clothes every day, play with lingerie and swimwear and makeup and outerwear when at home, and sleep in at least panties, and possibly nighties every night. I'm going to feminize myself as much as I possibly can.  I want to come as close as possible to living as a girl during this time. I only wish I had some pretext to get rid of my body hair.

In preparation for my bender, I've gone nuts ordering some items I've been fantasizing about for years. Naturally, they're swimsuits. I ordered them today to be sure to get them in time. It's possible that my wife may not take her trip after all, in which case I probably will have to return it all unworn, since I can't imagine when or how I could ever bring any of it into the house undetected.

First, there's the scuba one-piece with the zipper in the front and an adjustable belt, from Venus.  I've been dying to wear one of these since the 80's. I had an intense experience with a one-piece suit in my formative years, after what seemed like ages of fantasizing about wearing one without ever daring to. I always find myself coming back to them. This one in particular has always seemed out of reach. Not anymore!


Speaking of my formative years, it was a short leap from one-piece suits to bikinis in my twisted mind. Swimsuits have always held a very special place in my heart. I couldn't resist also buying this bikini version of the above, in black. Once again, it's a matter of expanding my horizons: I've worn all kinds of bikinis, but only once or twice have I managed to wear one with a belt, or a sports top. The belted one I wore I borrowed, and it was one of my favorites of all time. The belt's accentuation of the hips drove me wild. The sports top was also borrowed from the same dresser, but with a different bottom. It's particularly fun because it's harder to put on and take off. Once it's on, it feels like I'm trapped in it, and I find that very exciting.

Then there's the skirted bikini. The sports top I mentioned above went with a skirted bottom. I had never before thought about wearing such a thing before I discovered this one. The moment I put it on, I was smitten. I wished I could keep it, but alas, I couldn't risk it. Ever since, I've been dreaming of the day I could add one to my collection. The original one had a tight and straight skirt, but this one is ruched, which is quite interesting. Overall the original was sporty, but this one is clearly a fashion suit. I had a hard time choosing a top, but settled on the 5-way bandeau, whose versatility will be a blast to explore.

To complete the plan, I figured I could use a couple more panties, since I'll need undies every day of my binge. Since I've gravitated so much to swimwear, I have only a few panties. These two looked promising. I got the satin lace-up in black, and the all-over lace in ivory.

I'm driving myself crazy with anticipation. I sure hope everything falls into place.