Thursday, May 06, 2004

Fiction: The Ultimate Fantasy

At last, the ultimate fantasy.

First, a listing of the most important moments in my feminine life, in chronological order, for possible use in this ultimate fantasy:
  1. 5 years old: Wearing girls’ white pantyhose for a Kindergarten pantomime, and asking Mom and Dad that night if I could wear them to bed.
  2. Around 10: borrowing Mom’s pantyhose for the first time (and wearing it over my underwear)
  3. Around 12: stealing Mom’s newer bathing suit, and daring to put it on without wearing my underwear underneath, because I couldn't resist (I tried so hard!) recklessly abandoning myself to the raw femininity
  4. Around 14: stealing a friend's sister's bikini bottom, and wearing it almost every night. It was by far the sexiest thing I'd ever worn to that point, and I regretted not having the matching bra
  5. Around 15: Mom finding my stash of her clothes under my bed (but thankfully not finding that white bathing suit from number 3)
  6. Around 19: after years and years of shame, I start my journal and admit to myself that I love girlifying myself more than anything in the whole wide world
  7. Just before Xmas, 1995 (21): buying a lingerie outfit consisting of a white satin teddy, white fishnet stockings, and a garter belt, and shaving my legs to better appreciate it

This story has potential richness beyond anything I’ve ever conceived before, and it’s born from the current evolution of my fantasy.

It’s about a boy who discovers his feminine side much like I did. The twist: he actually is some sort of hermaphrodite, and every time he thinks like a girl (that is, every time he wears women’s clothes for a sexual kick) his female hormones kick in. This results in an extremely gradual girlification process. By early puberty, a vaginal opening begins to appear, little by little, and fade away after a rest. He knows that his habit is turning him into a girl, and he’s both horribly afraid and ecstatic. He can’t resist, try as he might. Eventually, his testicles begin to disappear into his ever growing hole when he indulges, and his penis actually shrinks; his chest swells ever so slightly. Some of the cumulative effects aren’t subsiding: his hole doesn’t fully close anymore after he’s done; he becomes concerned about the fat distribution on his body, his loss of body hair. He also begins to cultivate his hair for when he does indulge, guiltily, so that he feels more like a girl. By the end of high school, he becomes female when he fulfills his fantasies of wearing girls’ swimwear and lingerie: his balls get sucked right up into his vaginal opening, and his penis recedes until it becomes practically a clitoris; his waist actually shrinks, his hips expand, his voice goes up an octave, some of his body hair falls out, and he grows sensitive boobs. He becomes extremely feminine, and absolutely loves it. Of course, this is problematic: he tries hard to maintain his image as a boy, but he can’t be naked in front of other boys, for fear that they might see his growing cunt and shrinking penis. He can’t have sex with girls, whom he adores. He avoids medical checkups. All the things that happened to me happen to him, only he gets to actually become a girl when he fantasizes. As he becomes an adult, he reaches a point where he must choose his gender. He endures all sorts of mishaps from remaining female longer than expected. Eventually, of course, he realizes that his sexual fun is always as a girl, so he experiments with going all out. He’s ugly at first, so he gives up. He tries several times, and gives up each time. But the improvements are never fully reverting back to manhood. He becomes innately more female every day, because he so desperately loves to indulge his fantasy. It’s like he’s taking hormone treatments. Eventually, he has sex with a man while he’s a girl, and can’t get enough.