Tuesday, June 15, 1999
I rediscovered a fantasy buried back there about discovering bit by bit one's ultimate sexual fantasy and slowly succumbing to it until it becomes reality. How does one discover this? How can it come about? It's been with me for as long as I remember. Can it be discovered later? The amazing thing is how I always kept coming back to it, over and over. At this moment, I truly believe that this happened when I wore stockings for a kindergarten pantomime, and associated wearing women's clothing with sexual pleasure. So here I am now acting out fantasies about wearing bikinis and lingerie, and imagining what it would be like to take hormones. What fun it would be to be a girl!